He started driving, as I continued to throw all my disappointment at living at him. We were driving up a cliff. While I was complaining, he said, "Ok, let's go". He stepped on the accelerator and then I realized that he was going to do it, shivers ran up my spine. "Oh no!". All I could do was grabbed onto my chair with all my strength. My mind went blank and I asked myself, "Gosh! What have I done? Is this what I really wanted?". I did not know how it would feel, is it painful, is it quick? Life flashed over my eyes. I could feel the car being pulled down by the gravity, we're in the air heading down. "This is it.." and I closed my eyes.

This was how it all began ...

There was some kind of a gathering going on in the house. My parents, sister in law and my nephews were there. There were a lot of talking and laughing and simply just enjoying each other's company. Suddenly, I realized that I've left my guppies out in the sun without any protection. They were in a plastic ice-cream container. I rushed to collect them, hoping, they'll be fine. But to my dismay, the water has dried up and they fry like satay fish! Sigh, I wished I had remembered about them earlier. They could have still been alive, if it wasn't because of my carelessness.

It has been a while since Chinese New Year that I've met my nephews. We enjoyed each other's company and played a lot! Soon, it was time, for me and my parents to leave. We took on separate cars. My parents went onto their own car and me with mine. My brother wasn't around before we left, so, I thought of giving him a call to say good bye. I had the phone in between my ear and right shoulder while I was reversing my car out of the parking lot. I saw my two nephews running up to my car waving their hands to say good bye. I just smiled, waved back and continued with my conversation and reversing. I'm always proud of my multitasking skills. My brother was telling me on the phone that he will be right back soon, asking me to wait a little while longer for him, at the house. My parents were still in the car at the parking lot.

Hearing that from my brother, I decided to park my car again and waited for him at the house, as he had instructed. When I opened the door, I saw Yang Yang, my elder nephew. He was crying. It was then, I saw, my other nephew Wern Wern was lying on the road, facing down! My eyes blurred, I shook myself up and quickly ran towards him to realize that I had knocked him down when I was reversing my car! My parents realized the situation, came running towards me. I panicked! I took a look at him and cried! There was blood on his head. I didn't know what to do. My parents quickly picked him up and which at that time, he started to move and cried. "OK, he is alive.. but he is in pain!"

My parents started to scold me for my carelessness and Yang Yang was telling how aunty has reversed the car and knocked his brother off. Everyone was angry at me! And I was trying very hard to control my emotions. Tears just kept flowing and I was so scared and sad.

We went back into the house. My sister in law ran out. I couldn't look into her eyes. I felt so guilty, so sorry! What had I done??! My brother finally came back, he was crying too! The guilt doubles! Why can't I be more careful! I knew they were running towards my car. Why can't I just stop and look a few more times! And why was I talking on the phone!! I couldn't forgive myself.

I can't face my family, so, I walked out of the house to take a break. I wanted to take my handbag and laptop which I realized I had left it in the car. But, my car was not even there!! I went into a state of panic again! My IC, credit cards, laptop, handphone, money were all gone! What day was this?!! Was it Friday the 13th?? Why would so many things happened to me at the same time!!AArgh!! I asked the people around that were dining at a restaurant nearby to see whether anyone sees what happened. No body seemed to care or seen anything.

It was then, that I felt, why would a useless, careless, person like me living in this world only to bring pains to the people around. I couldn't even care for my fishes! Sigh.. The world doesn't need me. The world would be happy without me! At least, my nephew would not have been hurt today. Sigh.. The pain on my head and heart was so unbearable that I felt I couldn't breath. I couldn't forgive myself for what had happened, I wanted relief from this world!!

CK saw me, we sat together in his car. I was telling him how this was unfair for me. Why did I have to go through all these? What had I done wrong? I wanted to end my journey here. I couldn't go on anymore. I wanted to die!!!

He started driving, as I continued to throw all my disappointment at living at him. We were driving up a cliff. While I was complaining, he said, "ok, let's go". He stepped on the accelerator and then I realized that he was going to do it, shivers ran up my spine. "Oh no!". All I could do was grabbed onto my chair with all my strength. My mind went blank and I asked myself, "Gosh! What have I done? Is this what I really wanted?". I did not know how it would feel, is it painful, is it quick? Life flashed over my eyes. I could feel the car being pulled down by the gravity, we're in the air heading down. "This is it.." and I closed my eyes.

We felt a soft crash! The car got caught, at the branch of a big tree! We were still alive! Steadying ourselves, CK opened the window on the roof of the car and we saw many stars above us. They were beautiful. There was a light breeze. I felt at peace. Sigh.. what a wonderful feeling..

I then, realized that I wasn't ready to leave this unpredictable, yet beautiful world, just yet. It was a mistake, I wanted to live! I closed my eyes and prayed for a second chance. And suddenly, we felt the tree moved. The branch bended and rested on the roof of a double storey house near the cliff. "My God!! Is this for real?? I can live!!" It was the happiest moment in my life! CK and I were saved.

As we gleefully walked down the street, a lady pointed out to me, my car! Oh my!.. I never thought I would gained more than my life?!! All my belongings were still there. The laptop too! I couldn't believe my eyes.. Everything went so well now after everything that had happened! Could this be true?.... Krinnggggg!!!! Argh! That's my alarm clock! Time to get out of bed again... hahaha..

What a dream..